Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want her autograph on my taint
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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