R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
