a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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