So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
