the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
