the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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