we're chasing vodka with high fives
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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