11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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