I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i dont even know how to be here
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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