I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
