i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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