I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
