Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
