Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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