Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
