i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
