When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
