and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
