I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am one with the molecules
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
