remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
is wine microwaveable?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
