I am in a vortex of obligation.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
