now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
