i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
