I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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