I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
