My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I think a kid would responsible me up
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
