I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
