all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
