Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You are a genius and a whore.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
