You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
