I will die if light touches me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
