Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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