How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
