Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
