Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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