I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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