If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
