i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
