I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
