I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
