I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
