update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
