My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
