I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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