Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
