I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
