So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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