That's intense
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
