i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
