Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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