What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
