I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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