Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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