she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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