Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
