i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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