I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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