TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...