she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.