The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.