I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel