I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?