Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.