My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.