she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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