She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
