well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
