Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
