i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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