Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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