Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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