are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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