I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
