I wish I could teleport
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
