I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
