Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
