im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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