I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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