***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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