Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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