You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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