Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
