I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
