True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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