Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
