Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
