I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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