Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
