My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
