There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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